My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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