I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
