Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
