I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
