Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
