I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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