Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
