fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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