Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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