Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
