SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
