i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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