Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
