there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
