Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
