i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Someone came in the potted fern
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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