Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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