I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
