I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
