and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
