Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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