just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
