Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
