How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
