oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
