people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
