I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
