does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
