I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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