420 ftw
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
