Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
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