Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
