Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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