Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
