Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
