She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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