the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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