I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
