She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
