he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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