new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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