I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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