You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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