I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
