About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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