o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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