Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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