They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
