Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
