I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
